“This year will be different,” author and mom of four Alexandra Kuykendall inevitably tells herself every year as she pulls out her Christmas decorations. This year she won’t be tired or stressed. This year she won’t be ready for the holidays to be over.

And this year it is different, because she’s vowed to focus on loving her actual Christmas, to be present in her life as it really is. Which she documents in her new book aptly titled, Loving My Actual Christmas: An Experiment in Relishing the Season.